I recently wanted to attempt meditation again. I have already tried getting into a habit of regular meditation sessions many times before this. However, as always, even this time, I couldn’t go through the sessions for any significant duration of time. I can’t seem to understand what I am missing.
Maybe my mind is just not wired to be able to get something out of the process. Or maybe my surrounding, my current lifestyle is too chaotic to lend me space, the time to meditate. Thoughts always rush into my mind. From work. From home. From things done well. From things not yet done. I would never get into the zone where I am listening to my breathing. Maybe I am just too distracted within.
And the fact that meditation can probably help me overcome that inattention is also why it is even more frustrating that I can’t appreciate this practice. I have heard many people claim how meditation calms their mind. Get the clarity of thoughts. Focus. So I feel this can help me be not this distracted. But then while I am meditating, I feel helpless to control how my mind wanders around.
I have tried multiple apps. I have tried guided sessions. Nothing seems to help. At times, I am even judging the voice that guides me. And I just sigh in disappointment.
I had heard CGP Grey talk about a similar experience in one of the episodes of Hello Internet where he just can’t get himself to meditate.
I gave meditation a real try. It’s not that I hate it. It’s not that it’s hard. It’s just that my brain does not want to do this. It’s really pushing back.
I was nodding incessantly as Grey spoke about his frustration of not being able to appreciate the benefits of meditation. I feel equally frustrated when I hear someone talk about how the sessions leave them more mindful, more relaxed. It just doesn’t do it for me.
I have been a lot restless these last few days. My mind wanders a lot, it’s cluttered, full of thoughts. Full of things I need to do. Things that I can, I should do. I start working on one, and then my mind forces me to move on to another. Without completing any.
I do not think that’s really healthy. I think I may have to put my mind at rest.
Meditation is, of course, one of the way. So I started looking out for all the help possible, to figure out how to get started. And guess what? It’s a market full of catchy, link-baity articles from opportunistic freaks. Anyway, I think I may not get much help on the internet; may be there is just no need to go out there, seeking help on getting started. I may as well just get started – so I have started with an app called Oak. I have had a couple of sessions and have been pretty satisfied.
I will continue to have these sessions as beginner and see what happens. I am really hopeful that meditation helps, that it allows me to regain focus. I know few people who have benefitted, I know of a strong proponent in @ablaze. Actually, it is his experiences that have inspired me towards meditation.
If these couple of sessions are any indication, am sure it will be a good experience to go through.