Category: humor

Why does darkness exist?

I have been gliding in the darkness for around 3 hours now, for one simple reason. The tube light in my room suddenly felt a strong desire not to glow. It went on blinking at me, i guess trying to figure out if i have worn any .. pajamas or not. I did try and rotate it around, with it never returning me a stare. While spending my precious time there, stroking the keyboard in darkness, a question just poked its head out of the ruffled mind. Why the heck is the darkness there.

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I mean, ok fine. I know why it is there. I do have scribbled through the endless questions on solar system and planets structure and their hecking orbits. But i am not concerned about its how it exists. Rather i want to know how useful is it. I just want to justify its existence with one hell of a random reason, the farther it is from the truth, better it is.

I feel everything that exists, does so for some random reason. Even the minutest thing like a microbe is there because it leads or conjoins together to form or shape something awesomely important like virus, lets say. Yes they are weighty in a sense to control the growth of the big parasites in the form of humans. Similarly something like air, whose presence cannot be seen, is there to blow the smelly farts away. The sole reason for such senselessly senseless arguments is to emphasize the point that, yes, each thing can be tagged with the reason for its existence.

But even the random mind of mine could not reasonify the existence of darkness. To develop films?? Nah, very few do that now and those who do it actually do it by pulling over darkness. We are focusing on the natural darkness that arises with night.  To sleep??? Nah, actually sleep has got more to do with the time than it has got to do with darkness.  What then?

I know i am acting a bit ignorant, by may be neglecting many scientific things. I actually want to because i want some reason out of my mutable mind. The only reason i can think of gives me goosebumps.

I feel the whole purpose of darkness is to hide the light. So darkness is not “non-existence of light”. But actually it is the other way round. Light is “non-existence of darkness”. Whenever there is something that nature wants to do without making humans aware, it pushes darkness in. So it must be doing something at each night. Intercourse? Quite possible.

An argument can be made saying people do put on the lights then. But actually you see, that’s the reason they just blink sometimes rather than staring. And thats the reason am in dark today. Nature is at work. Reproducing 🙂

Why do I even try?

True. I try like hell not to listen to him. He goes on bumping my head. But i remain focused. He bribes me with what i like. He threatens me to run away and never return. I try not to fall for his tactics. But finally i do. I pretend i will shoo him away, but that’s the whole problem. I pretend…

Just a scenario, perfectly captured by Dilbert:

Dilbert.com

Anyways this bloody culprit in Internet just doesn’t allow me to work my plans. I plan not to plan any plan, so that i don’t feel bad when this plan of not to plan goes helter-skelter, unplanned. Thanks a lot internet.

Let me explain a bit. I reach home with a plan to read my novel, just to find the internet ‘psst’ing at me. Calls me out to check my mails, read some scraps, check out some news on tech n all. And everyday i do fall for something or the other. I unknowingly, or that’s what i pretend, plug the cable on and surf through the net.

Actually i did well in between to overcome this weakness of mine. I never fell for anything of sorts. But again somehow he has caught another of my nerve. He actually works stepwise now. Makes me switch on the powerplug spike for charging my mobile. He knows i am pretending to be just charging the mobile and i will turn on the laptop next. And everytime he turns out to be right. I pretend to turn the laptop on just for a bit to work something out and shut it down. But he knows that is not going to happen. Once the laptop starts he reminds me of something i need to do on net. I again pretend not to be surfing the net but just using it for a moment. But in fact, thats what i turn out to be doing. Surfing the internet.

Sometimes i ask myself why do i even try. I know i am failing to boggle my mind away from this culprit. But somehow i think this is that cunning but wonderous buddy with whom you can neither subsist nor part. Yes, that’s what he is. Cunning, but wonderous.

Nine…

Nine… A number that has haunted me for more than a month. Would wake up with a stare at it. Take a shower, get ready and face the indolently eying number. Stagger while using it. Bump into it daily. On numerous incidents. Each one having a negative effect on my mood. Just adding to my already tangled life. Twisting it further. Something usual has happened today too. Today i.e. on 9th of this month. 9th. And hence this post.

Yeah i know. The prologue does seem a bit dramatized. But last part is indeed true. The normal routine things for last one-one n a half month have made me bump into ‘9’, unusually, a lot. And it has succeeded in screwing up my mood on most of the occasions.

First up. The most common and tiresome experience of my life. I have been staying on the ninth floor of a “still-under-construction” n beta version of a 15 floored guesthouse. Thats not all. Its each and every part was under development and testing at the same time. And we, the guests, were bloody testers.

Lets start with a moment to reach there. You say use lifts. Simple right? Not so soon. The 3000 capacity guest house just had a single lift working for major part of my stay. Best being 2. You say “whats the big deal”? Ok, this lift can be any one of the 10 lifts scattered at various different locations on the ground floor. You say “uhh now thats complex”. I say wait. Not all are on the ground floor. 2 are on first. Further take this. Each lift can take you only till/to a particular floor after or below which you have to scroll using stairs. Does that sound scary? Listen to this. The lifts were also in the “under-development-and-testing-part” list as most other parts and so had a most ill programmed chip fitted into her. Usual symptoms:

  1. She used to wend  the 1st-> 0th floor path via 10th floor. That too without any entrant.
  2. She used to suddenly halt its march on the most deserted floor, without sucking anyone in or puking anyone out.
  3. She used to make you guess the time she would take to shut her doors for you. It ranged from sweet 10-20 secs after you are mounted or a quarter of a second by which you escaped getting crushed between her doors. (Yes she had no sensors to detect if you were in between her claws-like doors.)
  4. She used to making a most ear-deafening moan if you make her wait for a little longer. (A typical girlish behavior. You are not allowed any mistake to be made on your part.)

By god’s grace i did reach the coveted 9th floor most of the times. The fact that it normally took me around 10 mins on average matters least considering what lied ahead. The floor was divided, in true sense, in 3 parts using wooden walls. So care had to be taken that you end up in your part. Else you had to crawl through the stair case. The corridors were mostly cementy because of its under contruction tags with most confusing directions (refer snap). Air conditioners in the room worked on random basis and when they did they made my teeths tremble with cold. The taps randomly decided the temperature of the water that come out. (I have got my bum burned once. No further explanations.) The mirror was situated at the darkest corner of the room with the most clearly visible part being my toe nail.

I have spent 44 days in this complete mystery house. There were other encounters with nine like never returned 9 rupees as change at the food terminals, 9 cubicals that i hopped along or the  9AM alarm that brought with it the invitation to begin the journey on mystery land of nine. The tales of these will follow up sometime later.

Finally there was just one saving grace i had with me which provided me the sole reason to go through this tortourous journey. People close to me know whom am speaking about. But i am observing a striking pattern there too. Each 9th of a month brings with it some problems. I can’t explain but it does. I hope this hauting effect of 9 stops pressing me to my limits. I hope it stops testing my patience. Signs are not too good. Post is published in the 9th hour of the second half of the day. Ninth hour. Nine.

What happened to my Ambitions?

I have always been faced with this puzzle for quite long now. What happened to me shouting i would have best house on the whole street? What happened to my plans buying the best car in the town? Where is that dream life with servants running all round? The fridge full of ice creams, pastries, chocolates, chicken (leg-straigntened sky-pointing turkey, to be precise) ? The television set running just cartoon movies day long with remote just in my hand? To be the richest man, the most honest person, the man blessed by blessings from poor, loved by one n all. The whole lust for attaining some position, achieving some goal, some ambition seems to be lost somewhere.

And now? Now is the case i have just one ambition left. Crawl through the work week mechanically just to feel and shout: TGIF… Thank God Its Friday.

Finally i have found the reason for this loss of ambition. See and examine it for yourself 🙂

Now i know who uhhh what is the culprit. And yes TGIF 😀

Tottering along the floor to..

Now this is the topic that hits me everyday, atleast 3 times a day.. uhh .. usually more than that. Somehow i could not pen it out. Finally here it is. But before i move forward,  a confession. This post is mainly with reference to the males. Am not sure how it applies to the other sex. But lemme just blabber it out…

Each day i usually rise, heavy stomached and ill faced, from my seat. Do something awkward between strolling and bustling. Course the floors of my office/home. Finally bang the door and enter the place. And choose a urinal. Now that’s where it is supposed to end. But it does not. Something more happens. More on it in a wink.

Let me first speak out the reason for this whole rush. Firstly i have somehow got molded into someone who likes playing with critical situations. Be it deadlines (not at work though.. have to say … have to say..:P) or my daily chores. Secondly, its all about the pleasure one gets from the sudden and mountainous relief  through abundant pouring. I hope you understood.

Anyways back to the track. The most interesting part follows. Each time i visit the “relief camp“, i see am not alone. There is this whole bunch of varied group and thats when my thinking cells awake and start noting few things. Now let me blog down few of my notes:

  • Usually the bunch refrain from the meeting each others eye sight. Each time they do, there is this sudden jerk of the neck, as if something exceedingly hot touched the eyeball, throwing the sights up or out.
  • Most of the campers stare at the roof, either with eyes closed or ‘blink’less. May be the roof falls in between. What they are staring is the heavens. Afterall what one attains is, indeed, a divine pleasure.
  • There are those few who are relieved enough that they start bubbling at their mobile handsets, basked in the abundant relief.
  • If there, incase, is no vacant one, mind clog with this NP hard problem of where to stand and where to stare. Few follow the route to WC, few stare in the mirror rubbing their faces, few pridefuls even walk back. There are also those few who, just unknowingly out of all the unbearabe tension, wash off there hands!

Now there are few more notes in my mindbook. But for now this is it. Need to totter along. Need to attain the pleasure. Here am off.

Just tweak Google search box.. Concentration Gauranteed

“I start reading something” … “I need to blog this” … “Wasn’t the other topic better?” … “Okay stop. Let me read this out first” .. “Am done; I need to blog this” … “I will blog this” … “Let me get the topic open” …  “Yeahh… my N93” … “Oh blog;  .. theme … no..  blog .. title .. wait ..post … ” .. “Where the heck was I???? “

Ok so this is how my thought train has been when i thought i will write this post. And lemme say, this just acts as the ‘POF’ (Proof of Fact) for what i will be writing now. Let us get on the same platform first. This post (Will you please not follow the links directly and loose this topic..Thanks) was inspired partly by this and this. I hope you are still there with me. Because if you were not for some significant amount of time, thats what this post is all about. Reducing concentration levels… POF you see …

I am pretty sure most of the so-called experienced internet surfers would have reached at this point far late than they would normally have. Because i have become one of those and i damn know that he would atleast have done few of following:

  1. Google for some random text (Default)
  2. Peeped into GTalk friends list
  3. Checked whether have received any new mail
  4. Checked if all social friends are up and running
  5. Followed into void via atleast 3 Links
  6. If yes for 3, Gave a thought and made a point for each one of them
  7. Oh ya .. paid some bill
  8. Rejected atleast a single credit card offer
  9. And oh ya .. worked 😛

I guess the list would build on n on. Anyways the point is surely you wouldn’t have, if you have become one of us, read till now at a single strech. (I would really like to know what you indeed did. Put in the comments section. Hold on… Read completely first)

Ok i won’t try and find the reasons for why this is happening because that is not going to help me understand any damn thing. Let that job be left for some XYZ research group of companies. What i would actually try is provide some ways i can become a normal being from a ‘skull-headed vaccum with rags of information’ which am now. Let me start listing them down.

  • Update Google searh bar: I feel google can hugely impact a large sector of us concentration loosers. If only they ask for some not-so-privacy-threatning but self-embarrassing queries before returing the result. Lets say, “For how much hours have you worked today”.
  • Redesign Operating Systems: Huge step i know. The one i would design is, i would say, mainly a build over on MS Vista. Ok , so you want switch program? Start. “Do you really want to open …? Yes/No“, “Enter your Password ******“, “Please re-enter the password ******“, “Thank You! Please select the program you want to open. Enter the number in from of the selection“, “Enter the text in captcha“, “Thank you! Click Finish to open the program” and finally “Your request to open ____ has been successfully served. OK/Back” I am damn sure this will majorly kill the frequent ALT+TAB s
  • Introduce Sticky Books: Ok what if i want am not the comp junkie and still cherish the hardcopies? How can i be glued to the plot in the book? Fine. We will manually and physically do that for you. The books will be fitted with microprocessors programmed for secreting glues for defined time period which would be not less than 1 hour. You see. Its that simple.
  • Rename weekdays: Ok so point is inject a standard work schedule through out the human fraternity. Lets make each focus on a particular kind of job on the specified day. I would suggest let the week names be Funday (random fun), Moneyday(Money Matters), Teamday(Social Team Building), Workday (I know .. Boring Day), Surfday(Random Internet Surfing), Reworkday(Yeah .. 2 of them. Afterall thats what one is paid for) and Saturday (!!!!)

I know these options do sound rather ludicrous and more apparent changes like stop building multiprocessing processors or build ‘one system one application’ OSes might sound sensible. But then it is a “Build dam for water leaks” kinda solution. Anyways that’s my foolish take on this not-so-foolish topic. Comment in your solutions, however foolish they may sound. Remember, there are many like you around you…

Finally must say I have always been a workaholic enthusiast … What remains now is just an -aholic enthusiast surfing endlessly in void.

PS: If you have read this post in a single strech, i am damn sure you have just crumbled into wrong space. Click the back arrow button at the top-left corner of this window.

Update: Another interesting take on the same line. I am stupid and the Internet made me so

News media tickled my thinking brain again…

Sometimes few news stories do make me go mad. Some call them weird, some call them funny, some call them odd or even feverish at times, but for me, they make least sense with any tag you tie them with. But, however brainless it may sound, i am always on hunt for such stories at various loci (and as a result of that, i have this collection of all such hotspots). Blame it to my idiotic hobby of running random or to my faithful affection for going mad, i do look out for a chance, chance to turn mad.
Here’s one such recent story. It seems that researchers have found out some weird frog with no lungs. No, I have no problem with them churning out so wondrous a finding. What my juvenile mind never understood was how these men of brain flooded with boundless wit carry out such humongous tasks. What was it that they have in them that any normal person didn’t? And then this story rose, like a sage would from foggy nothingness, to content my ignorance.

But before moving straight to the answer, let me take you through the line of thoughts my mutable mind followed along. A plain look at the title and it made me think ‘Damn!! How on earth did they find that? Were they running around, scissors in hand, chopping each and every frog they cross, looking for their bloody bellies (pun intended) for any abnormalities in them? And what did they think of as an answer they would provided to all those normal, but with a robbed sac like belly, frogs? Would a “Hey sorry mate! We are searching for your deviant buddy. By the way, do contact a doc soon.” do? Nah it won’t. How can they be so irresponsible towards the nature. They indeed are answerable to the frog fraternity.’ Now i don’t think this path is too abnormal. Any sensible one would have thought on the same lines. I felt mighty of myself for being so empathetic and felt that this needed to be blogged. But that feeling wasn’t there to last for long.

As i strolled through the story, the reality came into picture. The answer for “what was it that they have” earlier arose. It takes loads of patience, time and prolonged interest for hitting something so uninteresting and so “evolutionarily unique”, as they call it, head-on. How else can you explain the fact that when the friends of this enlightened scientists were busy lurking behind the materialistic pleasures, his majesty was busy searching for this mighty frog community, one of whose member he saw when he was 30 years younger. It required a mind full of unsatisfiable quests and determination not to find solution. How else would you explain the fact that once he did find one of them, he continued his quest to find 8 of their kinds and tore their lungless tummies apart before going “EUREKA”. I thought this answer that i mined was ‘pen’able and again felt that this needed to be blogged.

I wish this was enough. But they went on to explain how their closest relatives had lungs and what that really means. Finally they didn’t even forget to connect this with manly attempts to ruin the mother earth and a need to stop doing the same. Also a call at the end to protect earth from facing this “huge impact”.

Now all this was enough to make me feel that this needed to be blogged. And hence this attempt. Anyways now their’s some other line my thoughts are following. It is after i saw few similar titles that read “Man charged with theft left his son“, “Robber left name on job application” and “Suspect took cab to and from the bank he robbed“. Let me know your line of thought. I will post mine soon. Think… Think… Think…

Earn security, but at a price…

Just after a striking connection between “Security and Privacy“, here’s another great image depicting what security really asks for. True you are secure, but what needs to digged is the cost that security comes at. To put it simply:
“Burn Entirety, Earn Security”

A Commute through Orkut Communities…

Here is another slippery weekend sliding beneath my feet. As i sit acting idle, with feeling rather unsuccessful with my attempts to follow “Operation Afraid“, i start scanning my social appearance at Orkut. (P.S. I did succeed in beating one dreaded task. Successfully washed the clothes, a task no less than a feat. Though the fear of uncompleteness did keep me away from taking a bath and shaving. You see victory ask for persistent efforts :P) And along my stroll, I again dashed into a place i find the most meaningless. The Communities.

I always thought that it should be wrong to say that i completely hate them. The fact that i myself have joined around 50 communities should signify that. But then it was today i thought to drill into my communities’ choice. And then rose the truth. All the communities i have joined can largely be divided into following categories:

  • Ones i joined as a newbie, similar to a kiddie thrown into a toy shop picking random toys
  • Ones which i was forced to join with an ultimatum of sort “Join now” (‘or you will be hanged alive’ was always silent :P)
  • Ones wherein you just feel great to be part of. It hardly matters how much sense it makes in you joining them
And it was then i realized that communities are indeed quite a boring and meaningless places to be in. More meaningless than boring. Include one more of ones which i created and I guess we have the categories generic enough to include the whole ‘orkut’ers. First, it hardly has any sensible activity going on. (One can surely not mark people proving themselves to be superior by posting last or naming there predecessor or playing jokers as sensible.) Secondly, thanks to the first point and the second and third category, it hardly reflects what the person’s interest really are. So a weirdo playing a “Rate the person above you” game in C++ community places him straight into the third category just in for senseless fun.

Moreover mostly are the occasions wherein the common interest projected itself is quite confusing. There are majority just to display one’s liking for blah blah singer, writer, director, actor, books, sports-persons, nations, places and every such namable entity. For each one mentioned above there is an anti-community of haters. Each one of these have various levels of followers: country wise, state wise, city wise, university wise and the digging just goes on. Then there are those which say they exists for common purpose like “spreading happiness”, “cutting sorrows”, “making healthy”, “shit happens: you are not alone” and bhah blah. And finally those which are quite weird which do make you raise your eyebrows. Few to mention “I hate orkut” (wouldn’t it be a good idea to group such interesting people in Facebook) or “Announce new orkut communities” (Community with a goal to promote other community?? how innovative) or “Absurd Communities” or “I hate orkut communities” (need i say anything??). How i wished to be innovative enough to come up with something so fascinating and new. No wonder each community has atleast a single copy with equal number of members.

Anyways whatever i say, they do exists and exists with thunderous activities. I know i do have missed to crown many others which indeed need a mention. But then considering the vastness of this community world, i dare you try that out!

Security and Privacy!!!

Just found this amazing image depicting how security and privacy are inter-related in todays web-world. I guess its pretty simple.

“You won your security. But they own your privacy”

Update: Apologies to all those who indeed saw quite a supposedly “private” image here. All thanks to the dynamic image whose contents were “weirdly” played with. Now that was quite an experience, something worth learning from.